


Broken Whispers (Post 3x21)

by DC_bookfanatic



Series: Chicago Med Season 4 Fix-it’s/ deleted scenes [1]
Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Angst, Sad, Sweet, episode 3x21
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 12:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19109236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DC_bookfanatic/pseuds/DC_bookfanatic
Summary: She was heartbroken. He was doubtful. A post 3x21 scene.





	Broken Whispers (Post 3x21)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my friends!
> 
> Here it is! The very beginning of my ‘season 4’ rewrites! I decided to start with a post/pre season 4 scene because I had been wanting to write something of the sort and because I think it fits with season 4. I loved how season 4, episode 1 opened up but I thought you guys might appreciate some more in-depth thoughts after Connor drove away and Ava started crying.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this little snippet!

_“You got a job offer tonight, didn’t you?”_

_“Mayo Clinic.”_

_“And of course, you’re going to take it.”_

_“Would you?”_

_“Yes! Absolutely.”_

She replayed the scene over and over again. Confused and conflicted as she tried to make since of her emotions.

Why did it matter that he was potentially leaving? She should be happy. If he was gone, she would get all she wanted, be the attending; no fighting, no questions asked. There would be no more competing to be the star pupil. _She_ would get all the glory. It was all she’d wanted since arriving at Med, right?

Then why did she care at all?

It irked her that she felt this way at all. 

She was _angry_. Most of it was directed at Connor.

She was angry at him for swooping in at the last second to save Dot and Lily (not that she’s not glad he did. She was very happy that the twins were alive). And she was angry at the man who offered Connor the job.

She was angry at herself for being so vulnerable; angry that she had started to open her heart to him. She should have known better; she had walls for a reason. She was angry that Connor had wormed his way through them, and she was angry that it hurt this much.

Oh, she was so mad.

“ _Would you?”_

_“Yes! Absolutely.”_

She was mad that he’d asked that question.

And she was mad at how it made her feel.

Initially, when she realized he’d received an offer, she’d mostly felt panic because a job offer meant leaving and she didn’t want him to go. He couldn’t go, not when whatever it was that was between them was still unexplored.

And then she was mad; at herself for feeling and at Connor who obviously didn’t care about her at all.

How could she have been so naïve.

_“Would you?”  
_

_“No! Of course not! Not without you.”_

What had she been thinking; she’d barely managed to curb her tongue.

_“Not without you.”_

That’s what she’d wanted to blurt out. And she was so angry that it was the honest truth.

However, she’d told him quite the opposite.

_“Yes! Absolutely.”_

That answer would have been true before she came to Chicago, even just a few months ago. If she had gotten an offer like that then, she would have said yes in a heartbeat.

But now, she had all these feelings. A yearning that came unbidden. And he’d already hurt her more times than he probably knew (she was good at hiding her true emotions) so why couldn’t she forget him? Why was her heart and mind so insistent?

Why was she so drawn to him?

It defied all her principles. Every vow she’d made to not open her heart, to not show her emotions, to not feel, Connor had broken, and he didn’t even know it.  
She was much more vulnerable than people knew because she excelled at deflecting and covering up.

She excelled at most everything. And sometimes that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

Connor was different than anyone she’d met before. He’d made her feel things she hadn’t felt in a long time.

And it scared her.

And she was mad about that too.

When they had first met, he intrigued her. She’d wanted to uncover all his secrets. To her, he was a game, competition she would beat and thoroughly enjoy herself as she did, just like every colleague she’d had in the past.

In the beginning, that’s how she treated him. Always trying to one-up him and catch him off-guard. But then, she started seeing different sides of him. Sides she’d rarely seen in men who were surgeons.

Yes, he was extremely arrogant and hot-headed and egotistical but that, she had expected. What she didn’t expect was his attentiveness, the way he cared deeply about his patient’s well-being and their family. Going the extra-mile, even if it caused him inconvenience.

The way he listened to their concerns and made them a priority, even if it was something as simple as a child wanting a lollypop; the fierceness in which he fought so that his patient’s voice was heard.

And his eyes, so blue and open. And so soft when he wanted them to be.  
He didn’t always show it, but he was so gentle and kind.

She had observed him thoughtfully, disguising her pondering through jabs and one-liners. That’s how she disguised all her feelings. It was a natural instinct by now.

Fighting with him had been the most entertaining part of her day and looking back, she realized she was so harsh towards him. Harsher than she meant to be. It was a wonder he even wanted to be kind to her. 

Yes, back when she first came to Med, they were both vicious in their words and actions.

One day though, she found herself being urged to give him a smile or inquire about his day out of a genuine curiosity.

And then, totally and completely against her will, she felt herself opening her heart to him.

She hadn’t meant to; it just happened.

Then he was staring at her with such intensity and she was staring back, waiting with bated breath and then he was kissing her; hot and heavy.

The night that she went to Connor’s was one of the best in her life. She’d been so happy curled up in Connor’s arms. Reveling in the sweet kisses he had bestowed upon her forehead before they both fell asleep.

She had given into all the feelings that had been plaguing her. Had given into the desires of her heart.

But she should have known better then too because the next morning, he said he’d had plans.

She could guess what that meant.

And she had kicked herself for being so stupid and closed herself off again because that had hurt. 

She had still stayed friends with him; she’d found that she couldn’t completely cut him out as much as she’d wanted too.

Then he had canceled his plans and she realized he was interested in pursuing her but as far as she was concerned, he’d used up his chance. She wouldn’t allow her heart be played with.

So she had told him no.

Then he was there, discreetly trying to ask her out and praising her work more than usual.

Oh, how she had wanted to just say yes and jump into his arms but she had practiced restraint.

Yes, he had broken through most of her walls and had defied all of her principles and had crossed almost all boundaries but she still had some of those rules in place. 

She wouldn’t be so fast to trust him again. She would test him before she said yes.

And oh, how she regretted that decision because now it was too late.

She was already so changed from the person she had been when she moved to Chicago. If the old her had seen future her, her old self would have been giving her present self an extremely harsh lecture about not letting anyone in because had she forgotten what had happened all the other times that she had shown vulnerability?

So yes, she felt deep regret and absolute fury over the whole situation but more than anything, she felt loss.

She was so hurt.

Because he was leaving. And she’d never see him again. Never see that charming smile and those perfect, kind, blue eyes that held the ocean. Never banter with him over surgery. Never fight with him again. Never talk over coffee or share medical miracles they had witnessed.

And it broke her heart.

She missed him already and he wasn’t even gone yet.

Ava angrily wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face as she rolled over in her bed. 

She thought she had learned to keep her distance, but she hadn’t had enough self-control to stop her emotions so now she was paying the price. She knew better.  
It was all Connor’s fault. She should hate him. She wanted to hate him. But she knew she never could.

Ava sniffed.

It was time to bottle up all of her emotions. Shove away the resentment and regret and keep Connor at arm’s length, not giving any more of her heart to him.

She would bury the hurt, hide the sadness and savor every last moment she had with him.

But she would most definitely give him the cold shoulder and show him her displeasure.

Because she was still so angry.

She would do that because it was the only thing she knew to do. She would protect her heart before it was completely shattered.

Maybe she was never meant to be loved. Only a pretty face who had to fight in a men’s world to be heard. Who had to be cold and harsh to get any kind of recognition.

Maybe she was destined to always be shoved away from those she cared about. Maybe she was destined to care about those whom she thought had cared about her.

She was tired of being lonely and Connor had made her feel cared about but he was proving that he was just like the rest of them.

He was breaking her heart.

And how many times could you break a broken thing?

* * *

 

_“You bastard.”_

She’d called him a _bastard_. He probably deserved it.

She’d been livid and he hadn’t been sure if she was mad that he had gotten the offer instead of her or if she was just mad at him for leaving.

He’d hoped it was the latter.

But then he asked:

_“Would you?”_

And for a split second he thought she might say, _‘No, not without you,’_ or something of that nature.

But instead, she’d said:

_“Yes! Absolutely.”_

With such conviction he figured he must have imagined the conflicted look on her face.

Ava was the most stubborn, hard-headed, vexatious woman he’d ever met. And that was saying a lot because he had met a lot of women.

But she was different than any person he’d met before. In the beginning, she was a pain and all he wanted was for her to wipe that smug smile off her face every time she got under his skin. Or just leave him alone. It was like she was playing a game with him. Finding all his weak spots and exploiting them as she gleefully pulled off a difficult surgery before he could even blink.

She was fiery and determined and extremely competitive. It used to drive him crazy but now, as he’d gotten to know her, he thought it was what made her so alluring.

She was always so cold and harsh and abrasive so when one day she offered him a small smile and a word of praise, he was so shocked all he could do was stare at her with furrowed brows.

It was gradual but so out of the blue that he wasn’t quite sure how to act around her. Then they realized that they were an incredible team when they weren’t fighting so he made an effort to not be as brooding as he had been being and they actually became friends.

He was surprised to find out she had an almost playful side. She would make a quip in the OR about his skill and it would take a minute to realize she was teasing him. Her eyes would sparkle as she gave him a positive update on one of their patients and she look at him so compassionately if he had a setback with one if his.

And watching her with patients; He would have never guessed she had this whole other side to her. It was rare but sometimes he would happen to walk past a room and there was Ava. Chatting with a patient or their family or giving a child a hug or a stuffed bear.

So kind and brave and amazing. And sometimes he wondered if she even knew how amazing she was.

She was fierce but soft-spoken when she needed to be. Oh, she could be annoying and frustrating when she was advocating for a procedure, he didn’t like but she always fought for what she thought was best for her patient and he admired that. She could go from kind and caring to cold and abrasive quicker than anyone he knew too. 

It was months after she came to Med when he realized that he had never heard Ava talk about her family or her past in South Africa or even what she did during her free time in Chicago (not that she had much of it). He had tried asking her about it a few times, but she would just get this hard look in her eye and change the subject.

And that had perplexed him. Actually, everything about Ava perplexed him.

She was a beautiful mystery he was determined to figure out.

He thought he was making good progress and the more and more that they laughed and got coffee together the more and more he found himself starting to want to be more than friends.

How could he not like her? She was incredible. Every time he turned around, she astounded him whether it was her skill as a surgeon or her heart as a person.

Then he had kissed her.

And the next morning, he was an idiot.

_“I actually have plans tonight.”_

Why did he say that? It was true, yes but why would he ever say that?

And just like that, she shut off again and he had been trying to win her back ever since. 

She was so complicated, and she acted like it didn’t matter and he had believed her for a while, but he was starting to realize that she was more vulnerable than she acted. That her feelings ran deeper than he could ever imagine. He felt sick that he had hurt her.

Looking back he regrets so much. He regrets telling her about his ‘plans’. He regrets not pursuing her harder. He regrets not telling her how he feels.

_“You got an offer tonight, didn’t you?”_

She’s always been perceptive.

_“And of course you’re going to take it?”  
Of course he was going to take it. Who wouldn’t?_

Even Ava herself had affirmed that fact. She would go if she was in her place, right?

_“Would you?”  
_

_“Yes! Absolutely.”_

Just when he thought they were finally getting somewhere with whatever their relationship was but now, it doesn’t matter.

Because he had gotten a job offer and how could he refuse?

It was _Mayo Clinic_. It was an opportunity of a lifetime.

So, of course he was going to take it. He would regret not taking the offer, right?

However, a voice in the back of his head kept prompting.

_What about Ava?  
_

_What about Ava?  
_

_You’ll regret losing Ava.  
_

_Don’t lose Ava.  
_

_You’re never going to find a girl like that again.  
_

_The only thing you’ll regret is losing Ava._

Connor shook his head. He was taking the job at Mayo because he would be fool to not accept the position.

He ignored the whisper in the back of his mind.

_You’re a fool for leaving Ava and the opportunity of an amazing future.  
_

_You’re a fool Connor Rhodes for not fighting for Ava Bekker._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it! I tried to tap into what both Connor and Ava could have been feeling after that heart-wrenching scene. 
> 
> Ava feels extremely closed off and I truly think that had the writers not ruined her character, we would have seen why. She is very icy but I believe that there’s a warm-hearted person underneath all those walls; we’ve seen her be compassionate and kind in the show. I think she just hides it well.
> 
> Part of my rewrites will be addressing my view of why she’s like that. I will be including a South African background for her since we didn’t get that in the show.
> 
> Watching Connor’s face in the last scene of season three, I really think he was waiting for Ava to say that she wouldn’t leave without him or something of that nature and I think Ava was thinking about saying something like that until she put up her walls.
> 
> So I wanted to write him conflicted and doubtful over taking this job and that will be carried over into my season 4 rewrites.
> 
> I hope you liked that first little taste of my rewrite/deleted scene series!  
> I’m planning on releasing ‘scenes’ as chapters and stories will be ‘episodes’ if that makes since. At the beginning, for the first ten-ish ‘episodes’, all the ‘scenes’ will basically be deleted scenes or add-ons because I liked the first part of season 4 so I didn’t want to change it much.
> 
> In the later episodes (like 11 on) they will be completely rewritten but following the episode’s plot, if that makes since. I’m not sure if I’ll publish those as one big one-shot or if I should break it down into ‘scenes’. I don’t know but I’m no where near to publishing those stories yet 😉 so I’ve got time to decide and I’ll let you guys know!
> 
> Thank you again and don’t forget to leave a comment! They truly mean the world to me!
> 
> Much love always!


End file.
